Queen bee.

It appears there is a limit,
On my calm and my composure.
I am clearly holding grudges,
And can not have achieved closure.
My hackles rise, my shoulders tense,
There are butterflies within me.
I become on edge with everyone,
And sting like a wounded queen bee.

Yet.

Some days start tough but help you realise,
That your heart still holds a dream.
You're just not there, or moving either,
But that's just 'cause you lost steam.
It's ok to take a dream break,
It's fine to take a pause.
You might not have it yet,
But it doesn't mean it can't be yours.

Tired soul.

It's not a day to react.
It's not a day to make decisions.
My heart is bruised and a little fractured.
All I can think of is divisions.
It's a day to push on through,
'Til another one arrives.
I need to find the place,
In which my tired soul thrives.

Patch the hole.

Some days,
Your tethers end is remarkably near.
You can't fight the grey cloud,
Or impending tear.
You need to just let loose,
The pain from your soul.
You hope that by clearing out,
You can patch over the hole.

Quick wilt.

I am harshest when my heart has fear,
And the greatest fear's for you.
When my heart should be healing you,
My fear for you drives through.
If there was a case you could love too much,
Then you would be my guilt.
My fear for you, is the easiest thing,
To make my strength quick wilt.
Yet for you I take a deep breath,
And drag whatever is left deep.
For you I'll do whatever's needed,
For your safety and happiness to keep.

Rusted.

Don't blame me for not affording trust.
Blame the person who can not be trusted.
Whatever shiny metal once shown,
Was left in tha rain and rusted.

I despise.

There is no fear like motherhood.
I did not know fear 'til I knew you.
Each and every day,
There is something new.
My heart drops to my stomach,
The bike it wants to rise.
The love is beyond perfection.
The fear for you, I despise.

Time isn't ours.

My joy, it warms me.
I breathe in long and deep.
I want to hold this moment in my memory.
I know time isn't ours to keep.
You are an inspiration.
You are worth the changes made.
I may get tired and not always be my best,
But my love will never fade.

Tomorrow's another day.

I see you, and I know.
I know which way you'll go.
I do not know the why,
But I see in the way you're shy,
About truly answering me,
That your heart had greyed,
And your mind's no longer free.
I ask you gentle probing questions,
But you're still not ready to say.
So I leave it and I hug you.
Tomorrow's another day.

Free to be.

The butterflies I once had,
Have become imprisoned moths.
Over years of harsher words,
And through strange feelings of loss.
I miss the girl I was.
I dream of who I'd be.
If I were someplace else.
If I were free to be.

Bring the other.

Take a deep breath,
And push through the fear.
Do what you can,
Let hope and love steer.
One foot forward,
Bring the other to meet it.
I can't see it's easy,
But I'm determined to beat it.

Puppet toy.

Will I ever lose this trigger?
Will this fear reduce as well?
Could I keep my glow at your return?
Only time will tell.
I want to keep that feeling,
Of peace and freedom, joy.
To be free of all the strings,
And not a puppet toy.

All of her years.

She is grateful,
So I am too.
Happiness moments,
That belong to you two.
It will never ride easy,
There will always be tears,
But she'll continue to love you,
Through all of her years.

Jointly responsible.

I strangely revel in the glimpses,
Of what my life might be.
It makes me feel a little more alive,
And that the problem's not all me.
I am not the sole killer,
Of joy and happiness.
We are jointly responsible,
For this unhappy mess.

Window ajar.

I am out of sorts,
In a physical way.
The crash to my head,
Is making a stay.
Just a little askew,
A little awry.
I'm sure there's a physical reason,
As to why,
Yet strangely it feels,
Like a window ajar.
Am I seeing things,
As they really are?

My bird.

Pushing through the nerves.
Swallowing back the fear.
Faking it 'til you make it.
This heart I hold so dear.
You wanted it, you were determined,
And you made the time your own.
I am so very proud of you,
My bird that's not yet flown.

Second guessed.

You always add a little,
Anxious to the day.
Your behaviour drops it in,
But doesn't take away.
Life generates enough things,
To worry about.
I don't need to be looking,
For your pout.
I don't need to be worrying,
What you'll do or say.
It's a life second guessed,
When it works out that way.

Chose to rescind.

When the little things keep coming,
And they batter and erode,
The energy that you had,
To power on down your road,
Take the deepest breath you can,
And blow it to the wind.
The power you gave to frustration,
You can choose to rescind.

They should know better.

When you are questioned to your very core,
Do you come back fighting a little more?
When strangers question, I doubt myself.
When it's those who should love me,
I'm defiance itself.
I'm angry at them, but more at 'me'.
They should know better, but I clearly didn't, you see.

Moments of treasure.

I sleep my most peaceful,
When I sleep with you.
It's like the world is righted,
And our lines are true.
Your breathing is deeper,
Your smiles permeate sleep,
But it's not to last.
It's not something we'll keep.
Life will move on.
These days and nights are so short.
They're the moments of treasure,
That cannot be bought.

Tear away.

It feels like an achievement.
So simple, but bringing joy.
Tear away the clutter,
Those things there that annoy.
It will not take a moment,
To retreat to its former state,
But I have a few days,
To soke up peace, not hate.

Whatever the weather.

I have my place,
And it is here.  
A world away,
From all your fear.
Be it sunny,
Or overcast,
I feel like my sail,
Has a stronger mast.
I'm staring out,
Towards the sea,
And whatever the weather,
I fee more like me.

Confident youth.

Out it comes,
There it blows.  
All that's needed,
Is communication flows.
Gone from lost,
To feeling strong.
Feeling loved,
And not judged or wrong.
Friendship,
Especially with those who tell the truth,
Can take you back,
To your confident youth.

Road ahead.

Today was a day in which it was hard to write.
No great trauma, no horrendous fight.
Just in myself, things are a little askew.
In myself, but I think because of you.
I'm choosing to put today away,
Put it behind another day.  
Focus on putting this one to bed.
In hope there's a more even road ahead.

Own way home.

A day of mini tests.
A day without a moment to pause.
A day you could have lost yourself,
But you chose to make it yours.
You came back fighting,
You stared into space,
You gained some composure,
And wiped your face.
I wish you wouldn't disappear,
In to your self generated storm,
But I am so very proud of you,
When you find your own way home.

On mum's.

I will never not worry,
Because I will never not care.
I will always want to hold you close,
Run my fingers through your hair.
Those things I did when you were my baby,
Before you went out in to the world.
When I felt at peace next to your sleeping face,
And knew how each hair curled.
As you get bigger and get bolder,
And you know your own bright mind,
Retreating gracefully is hard on mum's.
So whilst I'll do my best, be kind.

Up at night.

My mind's a little muggy.
I'm not quite sure what to feel.
It hasn't happened to us,
So it doesn't quite seem real,
But to put myself in their shoes,
Is a terrifying thought.
To lose those who are close to me,
Would leave my life with nought.
How could you ever think.
That your actions have a right?
To think you chose to end lives.
It keeps me up at night.

Wrecks.

You change when you are with them,
Subtly, quietly, but I see.
You switch from hyper to anxious.
Emotions riding a stormy sea.
You're manically laughing with joy one minute.
Face contorted with fear the next.
The revel in the glory,
And leave me with wrecks.
I will always be safe harbour.
I will always light my house.
I will encourage you, my tiger,
And soothe the timid mouse.

In this space.

The words just keep on coming,
I need to get them from my head.
I need to purge myself of how I feel,
And all the things that they have said.
I need to check with someone else,
To see a look on another face,
To understand if I have a right,
To be sitting in this space.

Too tired to say,

The deepest sigh,
On a telling day.
Wondering how,
This became our way.
Not quite sure,
How we found ourselves here.
Each step taken,
On a path unclear.
Each decision made,
Slowly built the road,
And added some weight,
To our growing load,
My deepest sigh,
On this telling day,
Makes me look to the sky,
Because I'm too tired to say.