Your questioning face.

I’m flicking between options.
I’m considering all I see.
I keep looking for other things,
My mind, a busy bee.
My heart it’s still and steadfast.
My heart knows it’s place.
My heart keeps returning,
To your questioning face.

Me and my.

This is something,
I have done to myself.
From the original trigger,
I did not consider my health.
I got swept in the moment,
And how I was feeling,
But the dawning realisation,
Then left me reeling.
I am trying to catch up,
To make my amends,
But me and my happiness,
Are still not quite friends.

Any which way.

As always, these days,
Are not good for me.
I’ll focus on my mistakes,
And dream of being free.
I’ll punish myself,
For not being stronger,
And try to make the gaps between,
Be even longer.
I’ll punish myself,
For not trusting myself.
Any which way,
It’s not good for my health.

I still fret.

It’s not that there can never be,
A time you are not angry,
But it is not yet.
It is not yet.
I know this in my head,
I know this in my heart,
But I still fret.
I still fret.

Plenty splinters.

Today I found myself,
Over the invisible edge.
For energy and enthusiasm,
You would need to dredge.
There is little patience,
But plenty splinters of a heart.
My soul is feeling bruised,
And my willingness torn apart.

Serves two purposes.

The clearance becomes consuming.
It starts to draw you in.
You’re not sure if it is balanced,
As you search for every win.
It is for the best of reasons,
But there might be an easier way.
This one serves two purposes,
And so, for now, this way will stay.

Retreating.

I can feel my body fighting,
Whatever hitched a ride.
I can feel my skin,
Start to burn from the inside.
I can feel the Winter rearing,
It’s defiant head.
At the moment it is winning.
I’ll be retreating to my bed.

Won’t shut.

I am not satisfied,
Don’t be deceived,
But am grateful for,
The good I have received.
I wish that life,
Was not as this,
But do not believe,
In perpetual bliss.
I am hanging on,
Hoping for more,
And hoping the world,
Won’t shut the door.

Give me pause.

The favour that you offer,
Is purely self inspired.
You lay it out like it’s for me,
But it’s what you have desired.
I won’t make a dramatic scene,
Won’t highlight your real cause,
But it’s an eye opening situation,
That has come to give me pause.

To protect.

In caring for others,
I often put myself last.
I’ve made myself a martyr,
Judge friends from the past.
The truth is they don’t,
Know the life I now face.
How I’m finding my way,
Going my own pace.
Doing what is needed,
To protect an innocent heart.
If they can’t undersatnd that,
It’s right we should part.

Every knife.

My heart is blowing amidst the trees,
It’s dipping, rising, flailing.
I’m trying to survive this life.
My gentle soul is ailing.
I know that it has something.
I know it has its share of gold,
But the way that life is treating me,
Has left me somewhat cold.
I’m trying to revive it,
To give it the kiss of life,
But in pushing ever forward,
I feel cut by every knife.

Scattered straws.

One step, two step,
Three and four.
Still trying hard,
And then some more.
Clutching at the scattered straws,
Picking at what I can find.
Trying to retain some hope,
As there will be no peace of mind.

The four winds.

Keep on pushing forward,
That will be my way.
Keep the ball a rolling,
Until we have our day.
Keep the engine ticking over,
And hope the petrol lasts.
Waiting impatiently for the four winds,
Whilst mending sails upon our masts.

Girth.

Where is summer?
My girl, it has left.
It left months ago,
And me bereft.
Some changes in life,
Knock on your door,
Take the wind from your sails,
And leave you on the floor.
They care not for the season,
They care not for your worth,
They happen regardless,
And will long be your girth.

Cold yardstick.

When I reflect on the switches,
That my life has undergone,
This is the largest,
But I must still roll on.
I must keep on trying,
Though there hasn’t yet been a click.
I do not need the judgement,
Of someone else’s cold yardstick.

My personal grief.

I feel a weight from being the one,
Who soothes the emotional woes.  
Made responsible for managing dips,
And ensuring the energy flows.
Where is the time for my own heart,
My own frustrations, my personal grief?
Of course I want to help you feel better,
But sometimes I need some relief.

Naturally.

Too many feelings,
To feel free in just one day.
So many emotions felt,
But nothing I can say.
Exhausting, feeling all,
But saying nowt at all.
This naturally honest person,
Cannot let this barrier fall.

Torn down.

When you fear for someone,
You do not know.
When you want to walk away,
But it will not go.
When you want resolution,
You want to be sure,
But you have no way of contacting,
There’s no immediate cure.
I find myself,
Truly caring,
For someone who,
Has been honestly sharing.
How we long for real,
In this world today.
Yet it is torn down,
So it cannot stay.

Order of importance.

Today, it is all tiredness.
Too much squeezed in to a day.
Unrelenting requirements,
Always have their say.
My body wants to resist.
My mind is half a step behind,
But I know the order of importance,
And my role is to be kind.

Light reflections.

Glimpses, little glimpses.
And reflections of the light.
I will be forever grateful,
But know that things aren’t right.
Life will never be perfect,
And normal is not a hope,
But with the glimpses, with the beauty,
I will always cope.

To continue.

I know where the pain has come from.
I remember old advice.
Pain is something I am used to,
Although it isn’t nice.
Pain makes me tired, short tempered,
Less able to smile and withstand,
The jabs from the every day,
The things so out of hand.
I need to shut myself away,
I need to sleep, to rest,
Just to continue to be a human.  
This is a long way from my best.

Not shrunk.

Life is more complicated for me right now,
And so I’ve sort of disappeared.
Just know my love for you has not shrunk,
It’s just my life has become tiered.
I have my fights to take on.
I have my battles to win.
They are not yours to shoulder,
Even though you’d want to be tagged in.
I love you too much to taint,
The life that you possess.
My love for you means that,
I will clean up my own mess.

All the space.

I have done my duty.
Now I want my time.
Now I want a moment,
That I can honestly call mine.
I met you past the half way line,
I gave up all the space.
Now let me have my moment,
Allow me that much grace.

Raise you.

It’s interesting how so many things,
Change and yet they don’t.
The patterns seem to replay,
I think I’m learning, but I won’t,
Always apply the lessons.
I’m always hoping for the best,
Yet I always fear the worst,
And so I cannot rest,
Upon any kind of laurels.
I cannot lean on anything at all.
I have you to raise up my dear,
And I’m damned if you will fall.

A day so rife.

I forgot to write today.
So tied up with my life.
I forgot to take a moment,
In a day so rife,
With must do’s and my responses,
To the million requests.
I was not truly there for anyone,
But I cannot ignore behests.

Shield us.

Today’s words were far too honest,
And so cannot be shared.
I must shield us from the questions,
And protect the ones that cared.
There may be a time,
When truth may be spoken,
But when fair time has passed,
And we are much less broken.

Hold us.

Whispered words, a plea,
Sent in to the air.
Hold us in a bubble,
Remove the poisoned air.
Let us get through this,
Without any more pain.
Let us weather the storm,
And let light in again.

Weight upon.

There is something in the exhaustion,
Of maintaining a hopeful lie.
I started the day with a glow,
But my soul is now full of sigh.
Life is tiring enough,
If it drives the train foot down,
But when you have to fake it,
Then heavier is your crown.
Your tense and tired shoulders,
Put weight upon your heart.
I can not control the outcome,
And I have fear of a re-start.

The floodgates.

In the moonlit quiet times,
The floodgates start to open.
Thoughts so carefully hidden,
And all those things unspoken,
Start to flow up to the surface,
Raise their persistent head.
They want to be heard,
And not be left unsaid.
They whisper in your ear.
They want to seep in to your dreams.
They will not be silenced forever,
Or at least that’s how it seems.

Keep the wolves.

Today I am a little lost.
Today I am a little more broken,
From all the news I keep receiving,
And all the heartbreak left unspoken.
Tomorrow I hope to find a crumb,
Of bread to lead the way.
‘Til then I fan my fire,
To keep the wolves at bay.

Loved by me.

The news is at my stomach.
I was at a limit with my fear.
I cannot take more rocking,
Of the ships that I hold dear.
Floating safe and stable,
Is how I want to see,
Those vessels that carry souls,
That are loved by me.