Higher bar.

That me that doesn't carry worry?
Her breath is deep and steady.
Those hours of peace today,
Have made me slightly heady.
I've missed her.  I like her.
I just hope it doesn't marr,
My view of the life that's now really mine,
As it's set a higher bar.

A piercing way.

Someone else's news,
But it rings a bell,
In such a piercing way.
Yet it's too close to home to tell.
You can not say you understand,
You can not say you know.
What you feel is empathy,
But its sympathy you show.
You offer your assistance,
And a shoulder, on which to lean,
But you shy a way a little, in case,
They see what cannot be unseen.

Higher in mind.

How is that something you could forget?
Lost in your world, will you not regret?
You have not mastered how to balance your heart.
For the ones in the shadow, it's a knife to their heart.
There's always something that is higher in mind.
It isn't fair, it isn't kind.

Grooves.

One things shifts and everything moves.
The cart is out of the happy grooves.
The road ahead looks somehow askew,
And it it makes you look at yourself anew.

From sky to floor.

When you imagine, you almost wish.
The silent kind of dreams.
You tell yourself it's just a thought,
That this isn't what it seems.
That this is just a stage,
To endure, to push on through.
Your mind will change, will shift,
And a belief will shine in you.
A belief I don't have now,
But am truly longing for.
Until then I hold my breath,
And shift eyes from sky to floor.



 

Revels.

The sparkle in your eyes,
The grin on your face,
And the glee you express,
Are all out of place.
How can you trust someone,
Who celebrates distress,
Who turns a back,
And revels in mess.
You look at the face.
Has it looked that way for you?
You hope it has not,
But can't be sure that it's true.

Honest aim.

The road looks long ahead.
There are no pit stops, no parking spaces.
I am here, of course, as always.
Alone, though I see faces.
I will not let you down,
Though I drop my head in pain,  
Survival mixed with smiles,
Is my honest aim.  

Heart reach.

That laugh, that giggle,
Can change a day.
It can punch the sun,
Through clouds of grey.
When life is tough,
Within or throughout,
Your heart reaches in,
And pulls me out.

With sundown.

Today I knew,
What felt right.
Then rolls around,
Another night.
There was a time,
When the nights brought peace.
The days were hard,
And the night release.
Now the days are up and down,
And worries roll in with sundown.

As it progresses.

I am anxious once I know.
I am grateful when it ends.
I am on edge as it progresses,
I light up when I see friends.
I suspect they'll always be a trigger.
I will always want to run.
Today has given me a little more time,
Before the next one's set to come.

Makes sense.

I thought it would be a time of joy,
And I can feel it in my base,
But the fear of what could happen,
Has built a tiny place,
Planted a pretty garden,
And erected a picket fence.
It is a time of joy,
But sometimes the fear makes sense.

April showers.

My boat's been rocked. It's wobbling.
I can't seem to find the calm.
Each little tweak upon my tail,
It causing my peace harm.
Tomorrow is another day,
But tonight has many more hours.
When they come, they don't come alone.
They fall like April showers.

Thoughts apart.

There are wasps,
Buzzing inside my heart.
I am anxious to progress,
Yet loathe to start.
I am not best placed,
To pull thoughts apart.
Nor best placed,
To deliver fine art.

Driving steam.

The sky has such quiet beauty.
Another me would enjoy its splendour.
Another me would not have the burdens,
That I choose to cover, to render.
I am in the place my decisions built.
I choose to stay and dream.
I hope I have the strength,
Not to lose the driving steam.

A deliberate dance.

How can you not see,
Yourself in your words?
How can you not see,
Your indignation's absurd.
How can you not see,
That your pride in your stance,
Is just confirming that you,
Are leading a deliberate dance.

Why I.

The night of pain and fear has passed.
Our nerves begin to settle.  
I have not shaken all the fears.
There is limit to my mettle.
You will always be my Achilles heel.
I will always fear for you.
It will always drive my behaviour.
You're why I do the things I do.

Brow.

It's 16:47 and I want my bed.
To shut out what's behind,
And cut straight to ahead.
I need these days,
To be over, and gone.
I need the strength,
To push forward, push on.
I have neither strength,
Not patience right now.
So I need to to focus,
On this hills brow.

Places of my heart.

I am uncomfortable,
Having them tell me about you.
As if I wasn't aware.
As if it were new.
I feel the points,
And to me they are sharp.
Pricking in the softest,
Places of my heart.

It dips.

It rises, it dips,
This journey we take.
Pushing in through it.
These memories we make.
I wanted idyllic,
We got honest instead.
I hope it's enough,
As you rest your tired head.

Please be well.

My heart aches,
When you are not you.
When you're ill, in pain,
Or feeling blue.
My heart aches,
When you cannot smile.
Please be well,
In the shortest while.

Valuable days.

My body is tired,
But my brain is too.
I am staring ahead,
At the sky losing blue.
There are passing thoughts,
As my eyes start to glaze.
I have a feeling this is one,
Of the uneventful valuable days.

Tentative true.

One step at a time.
Tentative, true,
But a step nevertheless,
It's all I can do.
Each movement forward,
I'm thinking of you.
Taking us safely,
To pastures new.

Unexplored place.

When they tell you time and again,
That you are wrong, and seeing false,
But come back one day,
And tell you of their waltz,
And you know for sure,
That you saw true,
It will change you.
Reinforce you too.
I do not know,
This new headspace,
But I know, this evening,
I am in a unexplored place.

I will not go.

I know.
Already know,
I do not need,
The wind to blow.
I know,
What I feel.
I'm just doing,
My bit to deal.
One step forward.
Each tentative toe.
I will hang on.
I will not go.  

Hold dear.

I got this.
I can do this on my own.
That's how I felt today.
That's what I felt was shown.
We can wade through troubles,
I can be the steer,
As long as I remember,
What we both hold dear.

The fee.

Nothing changes.
Always the same.
Lost in this torture.
It's again and again.
Seeing the glimpse,
Of what life could be.
But happiness,
Always has a fee.

In heart and head.

It is not the same,
When the meaning shifts.
There's a drop to the mood,
No joyful lifts.
Lots of questions,
Flood my mind.
They are generous,
They are not kind.
They're suspicious,
Lined with dread.
Your choices leave a taint,
In heart and head.

Life is fine.

And for the moment,
I smile and am free.
I am the girl,
I used to be.
Just for a moment,
But the moment is mine.
Where I am happy,
And life is fine.

Full time.

I realised today,
What's the root of the cause.
I used to get lost in the moment,
There was no pause.
Now, I am present,
Always, for you.
So awareness, and anxiety,
Slowly seeps through.
I see the risks,
Envisage your pain,
So I can't see me being her,
Full time, again.

What I suspected.

No matter what the day brings,
The worry never ceases.  
It just goes in to resting state,
So any incident releases,
The fear for you, sometimes us,
And the driving need to keep you protected.
I close my eyes and pull you near.
Whether or not it's what I suspected.

Without the fear.

I felt a message in our day today,
Yet I can't put it in to words.
I cannot see it clearly yet,
Like a picture revealed in thirds.
I'm waiting for the last piece,
To make it all come clear.
I know there's something building,
But this time I wait without the fear.