Stole.

Can I hide here for eternity?
Can I step off the wheel for now.
I need to catch my breath,
And right now, I don’t know how.
I need to lose the burning,
In my stomach, in my soul.
I cannot place the moment,
Where my life, the devil stole.

The strain.

I never took for granted,
Any of the ‘little things’.
Moments of the mundane,
Gave my heart it's wings.
There is no greater love, my girl,
And would be no greater pain.
I have to pull on strength,
I have to take the strain.
I always knew their value,
Because their mirror yours.
To lose them and you, my girl,
Would be the sound of hell as it roars.

Worn soul.

Life forever odd.
Real life on hold.
Faking the life you lead,
Operating cold.
This is not what life’s supposed to be,
This will wear my soul.
I cannot ever imagine,
Returning to be whole.

Take a moment.

Take a moment for yourself.  Practice some self-care.  Hold yourself in higher regard.  Put on make up, brush your hair.  How is being told, What to do and what to think, Supposed to bring the weary,  From their exhausted brink? There are times for everything, Let her work at a her own pace.   Don’t shame her with your suggestions, Your job’s not to debase.  

Forge.

Those sliding doors have done their thing.
My reality has altered.
The journey I was on has changed,
My plodding feet now faltered.
My feet thought that they knew the way,
But my reality has left.
My steady feet, whipped from beneath,
Leaving me bereft.
Pick your heavy feet up.
Darling raise that head.
Take the deeest breath you can,
And forge a path ahead.

Cease.

One minute, you think you’ll manage.
One minute, you think you’ll cope.
Then the fear re-spins,
And you start to miss the hope.
Some moments, you see shards of light,
Emerging from the dark.
Sometimes it loses strength,
And everything seems stark.
Sometimes, I want to run away,
To introduce some peace.
I cannot see this ending,
And I want the fear to cease.

Little say.

When you are on a roller coaster,
That you did not choose to ride,
You cannot just get off,
You can not flee, run, or hide.
You hold the seat, hold your nerve,
Close your eyes and wait.
Sometimes you truly do,
Have little say in your fate.

Dissolving.

When shock starts to subside,
And autopilot starts to falter,
What have you got left,
When your world is fully in alter?
When your head will not stop spinning,
And your world has slipped to hell,
What in the world do you do,
When there’s no rescue bell?
You focus on the thing,
That you would truly die for.
Put one foot beyond the other,
Though you’re broken to the core.

Teetering.

Standing here in limbo.
Teetering on hell
Head spinning round,
And nothing to tell.
So much hasn’t changed,
But then the truth is life has gone.
This one has collapsed,
And you only get the one.

Eviscerated.

Yesterday, the shock,
Today, the impending tears.
How long will I have to live a lie?
For the rest of all my years?
I am now a person,
Always one step apart.
Lost in a wilderness,
With an eviscerated heart.

Never.

I was never good at waiting,
But this is close to hell.
I don’t want it to come,
But I want it done as well.
My heart is beating random,
And my chest is all a burn.
There are some things in life,
You never want to learn.

Fear and regret.

I have my regrets.
I have my fears.
They’ve been powering each other,
For years.
Today I carry.
One for the other,
Intertwined,
Child and mother.
In these moments,
When I’m powered by my head,
I’m probably better,
Just going to bed.
Not always possible,
When there’s things to do.
So I’ll just torture myself,
And be thinking of you.

Framework.

Gone is the glint of glorious.
Wasted, the hours that were free.
Pushed aside is the framework of freedom,
For this busy beleaguered bee.
Back into the relative darkness,
Crawling back under my stone,
Hiding from those that would turn them,
And feeling that ache to the bone.

Dogdays.

When I see her, is when I miss her most.
I miss what was once always there.
When I see her, I remember I like her.
She makes me want to care.
She makes me want to work for happiness,
To fight for what I deserve.
She makes me look in dark corners,
And pull out my reserve.
Life has not always been kind to her,
But then really, neither have I.
In fighting for her needs,
I have been somewhat over shy.
I try not to think of the effects,
At least not today.
Life will work it’s own path,
And every dog will have its day.

My sunshine.

When you know, you need to grow.
Go with it, like a river in full flow.
Learn from my many mistakes.
Don’t bog yourself down in muddy lakes.
Do what you can.  That thing I don’t.
I may sometimes want to, but I know I won’t.
I made a choice, the right one for me,
Because of us, But I still see.
Knowledge can sometimes damage a soul,
Leave you feeling like you’re not quite whole.
It’s enough for now, but I want more for you.
Go sparkle my sunshine, live a life that’s true.

Mental scream.

If I could, I’d change the pattern,
But it is not mine to alter.
I still try.  I know myself.
I’ll try, though I know I’ll falter.
I will take my peaceful moments.
I will cherish my times serene.
Through the many times of neither,
I’ll hold in my mental scream.

To reflect on.

You in your finest glory.
You at your very best.
Taking all those grey clouds,
And laying them to rest.
For today I can be thankful.
Today gave me a glow.
I will etch it in my mind,
To reflect on when I’m low.

Sore spot.

Some talks are far from easy.
No matter how hard you try,
To please, appease, be graceful,
It can still stick in your eye.
Today just hit a sore spot,
The way that some days do.
Some days I wish for something else,
And wish it for you too.

The pain.

My heart is hurting for you.
My advice is good and true.
I don’t know how helpful it will be,
I struggle with it too.
Relationships are hard,
There are lies that people weave,
And following it myself,
Is not always what I achieve.
I don’t wish to hear my own advice,
I’d guess that you’re the same,
Because we know it would be hard,
And it will bring the pain.

Quickly typing.

A couple of coins, probably wasted.
Just a couple of coins for me.
As though I am deserving,
Of the things that used to be.
Here I sit, minute counting,
Waiting for the return to role.
Here I sit, quickly typing,
Trying to find a calmer soul.

Be worth the pain.

We will get there.
Stormy weather,
Uneven roads,
Thrashing rain.
We will get there.
Get there together,
And it will,
Be worth the pain.

Bold.

How many times,
Can you write the same,
Without it looking,
Like apportioning blame?
How many times,
Will I make you read,
What you already know,
What fills my feed.
I am just ever so grateful,
For that I do hold,
And it is that, any my memories,
That makes me bold.

Still a fool.

It was good, but could have been better,
In ways I do know how.
They’re just not ways to be proud of.
They’re ways that make me a cow.
A work horse, a donkey,
Pick your mule.
I take my moments of joy,
But I’m still a fool.

Work.

Through the cloud of fear,
A little light.
Just enough,
To last the night.
Just enough,
To smile on through,
And work,
To make the soul renew.

My place.

I have missed this.  My place.
I don’t want to leave it,
And lose the smile from my face.
This is my place. This is my heart.
Happier together,
And less so apart.

After the fast.

I know this is what she imagined.
I know this was what she expected,
When she took this turn in life,
When other options were rejected.
You can see her shrug to herself,
Knowing it can not last,
But knowing too, that these moments,
Are nectar after the fast.

Using me.

More of this please.  Please.
Though she was still triggered,
I can feel her relaxing,
Living the life she figured.
She knows it ends as soon,
As it came to be,
But cannot help but enjoy the moments,
When she feels like using ‘me’.

Have stirred.

I know my faults.  I see them.
I am conscious that they’re there.
I don’t like them.  I regret them.
I wish them gone.  I care.
Today is one of those days.
So many hours of good replaced,
Bu that five minutes of frustration.
Our joy then becomes laced.
I am sorry, and I’m say so.
I’m human and I erred,
But there’s now poison in the pot,
That the events today have stirred.

In my places.

I am grateful that it wasn’t, 

What I feared that it would be.  

I was ever more grateful, 

At the point I became free.  

We all have our places.   

Ours do not align.  

It’s only in my places, 

That my heart can truly shine.  

Not solved.

It might seem like a small change,
But it’s so core to who I’ve been.
It’s helped me take a moment,
Away from all things felt and seen.
It might seem like the right thing,
For everyone involved,
But something is now missing.
This is not a puzzle solved.