That feeling in your stomach

There is no trust, only fear.
Knowing he's not really here.
Sometimes in body, but never in mind.
So I'm always anxious of what I will find.
What was once so close, is now so far.
I worry I'll learn how things really are.
His resting position is now so distant
I have to acknowledge we could be gone in an instant.
This fear eats away at my soul and heart,
And has me wondering if I would be happier apart.
It's not what I want, and would bring its own fears,
But what will be left if this goes on for years?